Words, Visions, Dreams, Voices of an African Woman Expressed by Thulisa Qangule

Bringing $3xy Back…2012/14


Bringing $3xy Back…

You know…I flipped through some photos of a friend of mine and I saw how he’s changed, I mean physically changed through the years.

Hmmm, that got me thinking…he must have been one fine brother when he was in his late teens and early twenties (phew…), Lord bless whoever the women met him then.

Question is…is this not so young fellow still errrrm Hot? The answer is…Yes!


The answer lies somewhere between a conversation I had with one of my sister friends about a year ago and my personal opinion of things.

You see… (Laughs) there are these BEE types that you find in Sandton, wearing pointed nosed shoes with skinny jeans wearing cologne up your nose and leave a trail for days because they just want to be NOTICED!

There’s bling-bling from head to toe, the watch, the shoe, the wallet itself, the way they cannot wait to offer any lady that comes across their path-material things to almost seduce naïve women who somehow don’t seem to understand that if a man is age 40+ , drives some big @$$ vehicle and has THOSE kinds of @$$ets, then certainly there MUST be a woman somewhere behind the scenes. This woman is either the love of his life to whom he is married, this woman is either the baby-mama with whom there comes drama or that he’s a serial heart-breaker who loves’em and leaves ‘em and has not yet settled and is so shallow that girrrrl you better not even try and dive into his heart…you’re gonna crash. BAAAM! No traction. EISH!

Hmmm, there’s even the brother who starts talking to you as if he were some pre-loaded recording. Like, ladies…you know the speech. You meet him today and by the end of the week you know what he does, how much he earns, where and how he lives, he’s asked you to choose a car by the end of the month. Problem? Yes! Problem is that you don’t know who the hell he is.

He …he is quantified by what, where, when, and how much?

I’m sorry…come again? M’am do you know who you are with? Errrm NO

I know he earns Rx000 0000 a month, and I know he drives y kind of car, I know he bought me X Y& my entire family stuff that’s worth…? Question was: WHO and not WHAT is he?

Get my drift?

All of the above…somehow…not appealing.


I started this with some brother who has ‘aged’ through the years and I totally think is the definition or embodiment of “bringing $3xy Bakk”

Let me tell you…

There’s a bit of a pouch there, yes, the chocolate bar abs are gone but he does not have a balloon either.

There are some lines on the face and his body tells the story of his life, each scar, line, shape or movement says: ‘ I have lived and I have matured and it’s okay, I carry it well’


Contrary to popular belief, some of us women are not interested in the guys who resemble THE HULK either. The one dude I was once with who so had an obsession with the gym was a total failure in my books, because he validated himself and who he was by how much he resembled He-Man…EISH! EISH! Bummer! Disaster!

So this got me thinking about the women too.

You see…we also go through things and physical changes and things and it’s not so much about what we carry vs how we carry it you know.

I’ve had to accept that I have to just kiss my old self good-bye. My body might NEVER look the way it did when I was 25 years old therefore those old jeans will not fit and that old hairdo will not look the same and those shoes need to change because now that I carry a slightly errrm different physique, I just need to find the right ways and means to carry THAT well instead of trying so damn hard.


Someone I know has invested in liposuction, has had teeth whitened, has had stuff implanted in places, and the result? She looks totally gaunt.

Yes, I agree, she is hotter than July when you pass her from behind because that body of hers sings “ I am 22 ! “ but then, she turns around and there’s no baby fat in the cheeks like a 22 year old would have. There’s skin and bone and then suddenly these humongous tits leap out at you and yell “hi Girl! “And then she’s attracted the kind of man who only wants a one-night stand or a fling and nothing deeper. Yes, because that’s what comes across.

I know Summer’s coming and we are going to be blessed with Eye Candy as well as Visual Abuse.


If you’re well curved and you’ve added a bit more than you know you should…

Well, there are maxi dresses that you can work and believe me you can swing them hips from left to right in a way that I’ve never seen no bony sister do and look H.O.T

There are accessories that will compliment and accompany you in a manner that sings: Classy miles away.

There is no need to try and squeeze into a mini-leave that to the professionals. On the other hand, if you were built for that mini- hey-Go for it!



Oh Boy there are T-shirts and jeans and well uhmm shirts and slacks that will make you look just as phly.

If you’re on the older side of things, please p..leeeeeaaaaase, we don’t want to see skinny pants and vests, that is like so nineteen voetsek!

Inspiration for this Chronicle was hearing my younger sister who has always been bothered by the fact that when I was 30 years old and she was 17 years old, people always thought the age gap between us was less than 5 years. Reason…

She grew up …FAST, I did not, in the physical sense this is.

At age 14 I still did NOT have boobs, at age 14 my sister was already like a D-Cup. LOL

She looked at me sometime back and said: “ sho…finally now you look like my older sister and not one of my friends, the weight helps ey…”

I did not like it at all when I heard that at first, but then I thought about it, I thought about it and asked her what she meant and here was her response…

“Thuli, I did not want you to turn out into abosisi (those big sisters) who are like Thembi Seate

I mean look, she’s like in her mid30’s and she’s still on Jika Majika and yes we KNOW that jirating on stage when she was in Boom Shaka was the thing…now…please man, she should be sophisticated like that, not club hopping and bopping around like us, c’mon! “

Sho…I’d never quite thought about how unappealing it is when someone comes across as repellant to growing up.

But I had thought about it, wait a minute, wasn’t I the one who used to pick on the guys in their mid what not’s, the ‘uncles’ at the clubJ

They always seem odd in that they either cannot deal with their level in terms of their buddies at their level and these were the ‘older’ men chasing us around when we were in our early twenties. Always looking for the younger girls coz they won’t challenge them one bit, or won’t judge their progress or even see through their failures. Aha!

That’s what we always thought.

Now…between a dude who is say…35 years old and BEHAVES his age, and some guy who is 35 going onto 16, then I prefer the former to the latter, and the same goes for the ladies.

I understand, and I fully understand that some of us remain young at heart and this kind of transition can be very tricky if not painful.

But wait a minute…there is a way one can remain young WITHOUT compromising oneself. Yes there is!

The older you get, the simpler you must be.

There is a matured, sophisticated look that very few 20 something year old women can pull off that I’ve seen on older women, the art of power dressing and I’ve always wondered.

There’s the lady who steps out of her Beemah and you can tell she’s looking phly, courtesy of Queenspark, Dore’, Hemmingways etc and she’s not even taking a second look at whatever is on the ‘high fashion’ end of the scale because her style is classy and time-less. Sheek!

Now, that…that is what I LOVE about those Aunties.

Not the Aunty who is trynna compete with her daughters and is walking down the mall in fish-net stockings etc, I always ask: ‘What happened to you during YOUR era? You should have had all that time then to show off what you’re made of, not now! “

I’ve seen a similar thing in men. Yes. There is a very sophisticated flair that some guys inherit with age too, when the tatty jeans are swopped with clean shirts, ties, jackets, blazers and the jeans and shoes are kept simple.

Not the uncle who is tryanna compete with his son and looks more like a Hip Hop Star than a distinguished gentleman. EISH!

There’s the gentleman who knows which way the tailored suits are at and what cufflinks are and actually cares to not walk around with some crazy hairdo or caps et al even when his age no longer complies with it.


I’m just giving  the heads up to everyone and saying: ‘ take care of yourself but don’t compromise yourself and with summer almost on our doorsteps…think about your image…think about it, when you find that space that you’re totally comfortable in, make it your style. Own it. You don’t have to even take a glance at the next fashion glossy because you will be styling yourself the way you want to rock it.

Aha, if you’re an “all star’ kind of dude, then rock it.

If you’re a sneakers and baggy pants kind of guy, then rock it.

If you’re a tracksuit and snickers kind of lady, then rock it.

If you’re a jeans and t-shirt kind of gal, then rock it.

If you’re an all rounder and you can swing from tracksuit to bikini to corporate wear, then rock it.

Just do yourself a favor, don’t be bothered about how the next person is dressing because this is not Project “Community Competition” …this is Project You…


PS: I still have no clue how I’m gonna style it this summer but I’m just gonna work with

(Comfort) x (you) = sexy.

Now Rock it!


The Chronicle _ K.T Qangule_2012 ©


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This entry was posted on November 13, 2013 by in Chronicles, Poetry, Self Improvement Articles and Chronicles.
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