KwaNdlovukazi

Words, Visions, Dreams, Voices of an African Woman Expressed by Thulisa Qangule

January Chronicle: Self Reflection

My Mirror

I recently crossed paths with someone whose blunders necessitated the need for me to go deep within and look at my own state of being, as well as the collective state of being and I came to the realization that the majority of people out there really lack two very important things:

1-      Attunement

2-      Alignment

I’m taking the spiritual angle here, and I’ll also use practical examples to get this ‘lesson’ across, or more appropriately…share it.

Attunement and alignment go hand in hand with each other when we’re faced with goal manifestation and yet the two things are not quite the same thing. I have also realized that some people out there don’t know the difference either.

SCENARIO

The person I crossed paths with is intensely unhappy with her current weight, or at least, that’s the message I get when talking to her. She talks about it almost on a daily basis. She goes on about how her stomach is this, that and the other, how she does not like this thing and that thing about her thighs and that sort of thing.

We’ve been taught that by identifying the problem, we’ve done a very good job because we’re halfway there. Hmmm, I actually doubt this now and you’ll find my reasons below:

The lady I’m referring to understands what the problem is, and it is a weight problem. So resolving it should be easy right? …50% there huh…she should be able to get a gym outfit and start hitting the road, workout and be on her way to a slim figure. Aha?

I observed her eating habits and I discovered that she’s not a big eater at all, however she is an emotional eater, that she is not ready to be slim since she’s still holding on to her current state of being and that she’s not attuned to herself, nor is she aligned with her goal.

She has a collection of books in her room on:

Ø  Healthy eating

Ø  Exercise

Ø  Eating for your blood type and every other kind of resource imaginable. She’s bought the snickers, the training bras, the tracksuits, heck she even has the weights in the house.

She succumbs to her cravings, and so on a daily basis, she chows chocolates, sweets and drinks fizzy drinks. She eats small amounts in front of people and then secretly sneaks into the kitchen for more servings when nobody’s watching. This has got so bad that she wakes up in the middle on the night craving sweets or sweet things. She wakes up in the middle on the night and heads for the fridge.

 I got so upset at her at some point as I could not BELIEVE that someone who complains THAT much about their weight is actually engaging in that kind of behavior. This is when the mouth says one thing and the actions affirm another. Total lack of alignment with the goal.

Thinking that I was helping, I went and got her some herbal teas. One box was intended to help her reduce the cravings for sweet things and the other box was just there to balance out her blood sugar levels. She did not want the tea. That immediately told me that she is attached to the very behavior that is making her fat. This is where the lack of attunement is the main problem.

Metaphysically, the desire for sweets and snacks etc could result from a deep need for ‘sweetness’ in one’s life. We then need to examine: “where in my life is there nectar missing?” Let me revert back to self: I gained 14kg in one year, and I had a pattern…When my day did not go as well as anticipated and I had to put up with complaints and office politics and all kinds of other things that I deemed undesirable, I would head for the vending machine, coffee machine or anything that would add sweetness to my taste buds. This is called comfort eating. The comfort and support that I was not getting from many different sources at that time…I then went and sought out in food. Where does this pattern begin?

I was dealing with bitter circumstances and the literal sweet taste made me feel better.

When we’re babies, we’re often given dummies/pacifiers to keep us quiet, or help to soothe us. When we outgrow the dummies/pacifiers, parents often move on to the candy stage. You fall and hurt yourself or something not so nice happens and you’re given a nice sweet to make you feel better. This then forms this subconscious association with things that go in the mouth being soothing. That’s why some people suck their thumbs after they’ve passed the nappy wearing stage. With time, we learn that it is OKAY to hide our true feelings and simply put something in our mouths and move along swiftly. In fact, the same pattern is followed by a cigarette smoker. Something is triggered, rather than air out the real emotion; the person goes and places this thing in the mouth while taking deep breaths. Some alcoholics are this way too. “Let’s not talk about it, let’s not deal with it, let’s just get a drink and we’ll be fine” that’s the thought process. The way we’re socialized and brought up influencing how we respond to pressure. This may be considered as a form of programming.

Here’s what the attuned individual would do to deal with the above situation.

v  Actively work towards releasing bitter circumstances by either changing the social circle, job or whatever the root-cause of the bitterness is.

v  Dig deep in order to deal with the issue and eliminate it once and for all rather than address the symptom. This also means that the person would then be willing to drink a cup of green tea in order to minimise the sweet cravings as they would have let go of the need to have something sweet in their mouths, thereby moving closer to their goal.

v  Find healthy alternatives or replacements to the dummy/sweets/food/cigarettes in order to address the issue. Journal writing, counseling, the gym, studying, finding any nice hobby to lose yourself to…these are nice alternatives to unhealthy habits that we find ourselves attached to.

I must say that it is not easy. It can get scary. Personally, I have workaholic tendencies. Getting to the bottom of the issues that I was concealing with this habit was intense. While workaholism is not nearly as bad as cocaine addiction in that it benefits the institutions that we serve, it is just as bad in many other ways. I had started dealing with a family that had issues with the fact that I’m never home, my body was seriously run down, and deep down I knew that this was NOT healthy.

 In order for me to reverse this, I had to go right back to how it all began. It all began when I had gone through a very painful time in my life and rather than go back to an empty apartment and sit all alone, I found it easier to work myself to a stupor and what would happen is that I would drive home when I felt that I had just enough energy to drive home and then immediately fall asleep. Working was a wonderful distraction from my emotions and reality and it was never a problem back then…6 years ago. The problem is that I got so stuck in that even without the painful circumstances being there anymore, I have continued with the habit. What this has damaged is:

Ø  Family life and time

Ø  Relationships

Ø  Valued ‘me-time’

Ø  Social life

There’s also a bit of hopelessness that comes along with it where one thinks:

“Okay but they’re already ruined so there’s no chance at any kind of restoration, so why even bother?”

Now here’s the antidote…ALIGNMENT.

The simplest question I ask when I evaluate alignment is: “is the current behavior helping or hurting the goal?”

It is assumed that one should know what set of behavioral patterns will assist or damage their goals by the time they get to the stage where they analyse their alignment. So, just to get back to the lady and her weight loss goals for a minute…

Aligned behavior is:

§  Working out at least 3x a week

§  Drinking a minimum of 1.5 liters of water every day

§  Eating a sufficient amount of fruit and vegetables

§  Getting a minimum of 7.5 hours of sleep per day

§  Cutting out sugary substances, snacks, salty foods, fizzy drinks, midnight snacks etc

Please note that I said: aligned behavior, and not aligned thought or aligned understanding, or aligned desire.

There are sometimes some deep psychological, emotional and maybe even physical hindrances to aligned behavior. Unfortunately, if we don’t attune ourselves and work towards alignment, all efforts tend to lead to failure. I’ve seen unaligned behavior damage relationships, break families, kill businesses, and destroy people.

 

 

 

IN FAMILIES

 Here’s yet another example: a guy recently invited his kids to come home and the intention was to bring all the children together and have some sort of family reunion. He also, somehow wanted to play the hero or prove a point to some of the guests about being a good father and so he started a family meeting on that day. Issues that created intense friction and emotional conflict came out.  Now, where the goal was to have a nice Sunday experience with the children>>>the reality>>>created by behavior >>>made the whole thing quite an unpleasant experience. The whole thing ended up with this guy threatening to disown one of the kids, and then someone else ended up crying etc. If and when this guy gets to ask this question: “was my behavior helping or hurting the situation?” What do you suppose the answer would be?

(There are unresolved issues that need to be tackled and handled with care and this guy is too much of a people pleaser and therefore failed to realize that he was using the wrong strategies to implement his goal. He should have stayed clear of all confrontation and perhaps a fun day at the park, picnic, or outing would have been more appropriate or aligned with what he was trying to do)

WORKPLACE

I had the pleasure of landing a job at a company where, when we first arrived, someone said: “Thanks, we have been waiting and waiting”, and then we had one of the Executives come and welcome us and tell us how very carefully selected we were and how special and appreciated our choice to join the company was. The values, mission statement etc was totally aligned with mine, but nothing could have prepared me for some behaviors that I was to come across. I had been on probation in every single company that I had worked for, but in this particular place, it was used as a fear-inducing tool to push us to work even harder. It gave me anxiety and panic attacks and the psychological damage is hectic. A far cry from what we had been told about being ourselves, there were meetings where we’d be told to shut up as we make too much noise, one on one sessions turned into cr**p out sessions where the only thing you’d receive was feedback on how totally useless and bad you are at everything you do. It actually hurt and left me wondering how welcome I am in such a place you know…How is any of that helping any company to retain staff? Huh? So the whole thing gets botched. On one hand there’s ads going on about how it’s such a great place yada yada yada, and then when you get in, you realize that the people in it are negative, some with malicious, abusive, manipulative tendencies that wanna get you to run…you know what’s ironic?

These guys needed people because they were struggling with staff retention like crazy. They went through an average of 10 resignations a month and they still had the knack of treating those who remained like total ****p. Our calls were listened to, emails accessed and read, the whole shebang. Oh well, you know…when I heard that they closed shop due to financial mismanagement, I was not in the least shocked. What they said vs. what they practiced were NEVER aligned. EVER!

(This is a typical case of the middle man messing things up for everyone. The guys at the top entrust the middle man to treat staff with care and don’t always check that all is well until it is too late. The middle man often gets intoxicated by power, with insecurities and is far more egotistic than the man on top. In turn this chases staff and prospective business away rather than attract it)

IN RELATIONSHIPS

LOL- I recently dealt with a guy who…I suspect had the desire to be with me but is so behaviorally unaligned, I’d have to be a stupid fool to EVER believe that he and I will ever be an item. Funny enough, he thinks he’s aligned and he really isn’t. He’s very good at staging the IDEA that he and I are together and so enough people think that this is true but he does not actually follow through with the rest of the stuff that’s part and parcel of the “Thuli’s man role”. He publically spoke of some other woman other than me, in a manner that created euphoria because I had to deal with someone telling me about her and how she and so and so are so close, so tight- so serious-they might get married. Then I had, yet another encounter, where someone who knows him started telling me about some woman that he is seeing and is crazy about…now I don’t know whether or not he’s just telling these stories so that his life seems okay…but…lets think about this…how does going out there and talking about these different women and how crazy he is about them and then coming back to me to get me hooked up with him gonna help the situation? It has the opposite effect. He must really just go back to whoever these chicks are and be the ever so faithful man to them or her. Period.

Shame, then he tried. He invited me to his place on a Sunday afternoon coz he had a braai and I went. He introduced me to everyone as his girl, and everyone included his family. Next thing he drinks and gets so drunk that there is no way he’s gonna count that in as quality time. No way! He’s bonding with the whiskey, not me. Then he whipped the weed out and he and his friends entertained themselves, so I found myself chatting to his sister as I just could not relate. He then left- to drop his friends off somewhere. He came back at 04h30 in the morning and I had been left alone with the house all that time, this is after he’d pulled an MIA on me for like 3 months. Why does this not come across as the behavior you wanna see from someone who is ‘fixing things’? Why does this not come across as the behavior of a man who is ready for a relationship? So, why is he then giving the impression that we are together to both me and his family? Your guess is as good as mine…to cover something up. I say so because all the behaviors he’s displaying are what the perfect little recipe to disaster comprise of. If I had to even commit to such a dude, in less than 36 months, there’d be a divorce for sure. And you know what? He thinks that just because he has six figures in his bank account, he then has the right to behave anyway he likes…well…well…well…some folk have got too used to la femme la desperado that they think this is the way it should be for everybody…phuh…leaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzze#eyes rolling#

I thought I’d set the tone for 2013 since we all tend to begin the year by making all these resolutions that fizzle into thin air by the time the first quarter of the year is over, mainly due to the fact that we never adjusted our behaviors to align them with our goals, or that the resolutions/goals were simply too unrealistic for us to ever achieve them in the first place.

There’s also a different type of alignment and blind spot that I want to touch on as well, while we’re on the topic…it is…

TRUE STORY

I met a lady who consistently validates herself through her man. Mind you, I met her within the work-space. While I enjoy a little chit chat every now and again and it’s nice to find out who’s married, has kids and that sort of thing…the primary focus remains work, when at work. I like it when I can discuss everything from Handy Andy Cleaner to the Man to Departmental Standard Operational Procedures, to possible strategies that will help us enhance our performance, to what’s in the headlines to sharing jokes to talking about shopping…but NOT have a woman talk about her man all the time …24/7.

At the time we met, I had been somewhat close to her ‘companion’. So, from time to time, she would lose the ability to keep her insecurities in and give me filthy looks and then smile again-how conflicted. I used to have meetings with the guy and discuss work related stuff but that just got her feeling insecure. She approached me once and asked if I had a boyfriend and I coyly told her it was none of her business. Just as she did that, I noticed that she was wearing a ring on her ring finger. Now…I had been with her when SHE bought that ring. Why was she wearing it? To ward off any women that may threaten to get close to her ‘catch’. It was not very long after that when I started hearing office rumors that she and her ‘companion’ were engaged. I guess people were noticing that she was wearing a ring and put 2+2 together. Things got so nasty that I remember on one occasion, I took a coffee break and she followed me into the kitchen and started telling me about how close she is to her man, and that she wears his underwear too. So Un-PC, considering that she and ‘companion’ actually work for the same company and we all worked on the same floor. I mean…how was I supposed to look at him? Visualize him in her undies and her in his?

The fact that the dude was also quite high-up in the ranks did not help either ey…did not make things easy at all. She went on to tell us, as the office girls, about this picture perfect relationship she has. How she’s been with her man for the last 6 years, that even her parents know that she’s either in the office or at the boyfriend’s place… (She successfully painted the perfect relationship)…Back @ the ranch…

When asked, he always said he was single and never mentioned her-not once to anyone who asked. He always talked about his parents, and his son and then next on the list were his career ambitions. The dude was always in the office…if not in the office, he’d be at some club or party. Then once he talked about how the relationship with his son’s mom had ended 18months prior and how they’d lived together. What the …? Uhmm…Did he even know there’s a little madam in the office creating the impression that he’s been together with ‘her’ for the last 6 years and is also wearing ‘engagement rings’? Did he know that this little madam goes around giving staff members in the office dirty and filthy looks whenever he’s been in meetings with them? Because she’s too insecure to handle…Does he understand that we’ve heard stories about underwear that is exchanged and worn?

(Clearly there’s hectic misalignment here…I won’t even state the reasons why I say so)

 As time went by, it unfolded that, this young lady comes from an impoverished background and has some intensely hectic family issues behind her, and somehow this guy was the ‘meal ticket’ out of it. Where he could use his position, education, social status and various other things to validate himself, she could not – he is the only thing she had, as her booster. She could not show pride in where she comes from, her assets, education or anything like that, and that is why she talked about him all the time as if he was some sort of Olympic Trophie and expected a round of applause or perhaps a standing ovation for having shagged so and so…eish!  It was not about how much she loves him- no! It was just about showing off to all the other women and asserting herself. “If he’s your boss and he’s my man, then I too am your boss”…no comments.

She had her game played out like this:

v  Massage his ego;

v  Obey his every command;

v  Dress up, look good and give it good in bed;

v  Be very polite and nice and friendly around him(even if she was rather distasteful and obnoxious in personality when he was not around);

v  Play victim and let him know about the bad past, the family drama, make him feel guilty of neglect and abandonment  if he were to leave, even if that is what he wants to do;

v  Be very needy, to the point where she has him believe she’s having a breakdown and cannot survive without him ;

v  Abuse his money and everything and still tell him she loves him and suck him out of his money again so he ends up paying for her monthly groceries, supporting her through school, buys her clothes, a car, pays her rent and then rant and rave in the township about how she’s  won her ‘jackpot’ ;

v  Gets her mama to love him and pamper him and treat him like a King and her papa too if he can, that way he feels very welcomed by her family too and they’re all waiting for him to show up with the lobola too *wicked, wicked laugh*;

v  Let him marry her and then shows her  true colours and then lets him file for divorce and then because she  has a kid by him, she then sues for maintenance and alimony and that way she’ll drive his beemah while he catches the taxi;

v  Play on his needs and vulnerabilities and it’s got nothing to do with him-what better toy than a rich man when you’re a poor Kasi chick in need of ka ching?..and shame…look…he’s so in love…and you know there’s an aunty next door who is either a relative or neighborhood friend who helps out with the stuff to put in the food she cooks for him to ‘bind him’-jah…talk about voodoo queens out there-and how they are the ones wearing the weaves, manicured nails and talking about being in Church eery Sunday;

v  Tells the whole world about how they’re together, on the verge of getting married and how they wear each other’s undies I guess…she thinks she has it figured out well.

Here’s how he’s got his game played out:

ü  Does not have time to get out there and ask the decent women out, needs shag and will just use what’s available in front of him and so he uses the office girl and remains quiet about it;

ü  Has no intentions to marry this chick;

ü  Makes enough money to actually afford to do the material things he does for her and let them go when the relationship breaks, it does not translate to lobola…it’s just some drinks, a few clothing items and maybe cologne and things like that on her birthday etc –even that vehicle she bragged about, some <30k vehicle that is worth nothing considering the amount of money he makes in a month, so, nope, he won’t be crying if she has to just go stuff herself and never give it back;

ü  Does not live with her, because he has a child at home and knows she’s not the quality his mama and papa would appreciate, so he pays her rent somewhere and she’s convinced that’s ‘their’ apartment when its nothing but a ‘shaghouse’;

ü  He doesn’t want to work THAT hard for a shagmate, so she’s close enough. He’ll always go for some chick who works in the same office as a result, and the next and the next and the next will utilize this very same apartment. Oh Gosh…

I left that company and I have learned that he has since moved on and married someone else. Yes, the girl mentioned here went a bit off the rails for a while when she found out he was getting married.

She had wanted to keep him so badly that she created a lie in her mind, and believed it and even tried to enforce it. She attempted suicide more than once and he got the calls when he was now with the new partner-causing tensions in THAT relationship. Allegedly, she even got him to meet with her on more than one occasion, only to stage those meetings as ‘dates’ and as means to prove that they were still together. SICK.

This is just an extreme example of two people who were so not aligned in terms of who they are, what they were doing and where they were going, that the crash was engineered to happen, right at the start of their union. While I’m not the best fan of clandestine office relationships, I also know enough to know that if she was aligned with the dude, the following would have happened:

§  She would have understood the nature of the relationship and not believed that it was anything deeper than what it was;

§  Due to this understanding, she would have remained quiet about it and simply done what she does AFTER HOURS and OUTSIDE of the office;

§  If she felt secure enough, then there would have been no need to raise suspicions by giving female colleagues dirty looks each time they’d had meetings or conversations with a particular Mr So and So;

§  Understanding his position, she would have known NEVER to embarrass him by discussing his under garments;

§  She would never have fuelled any office rumors by wearing a ring on her ring finger.

It was an assumption on this dude’s part as well that she was mature enough to understand the terms of endearment and he too should have:

§  Clarified what they were and were not;

§  Outlined his expectations in terms of behavior and the kind of information she is allowed to disclose;

§  Kept checks on who she talks to, what she talks about and why-that way he would have known sooner than later that she was going around telling people that they live together and that they’ve been together for 6 or 8 years or whatever.

2 people with completely different agendas, together and sharing their bodies but the whole thing was just off at a tangent.

 

 

CHANGE INDUCED RE-ALIGNMENTS & ATTUNEMENTS

The other important thing about working on ensuring that you are attuned and aligned with your visions, goals etc, at all times is that we sometimes go through changes that necessitate some level of change or other within us in terms of our thinking, behavior and sometimes, even our belief systems.

Because there’s self definition, roles, expectations and goals almost at any one point in time, these need to be assessed and re-assessed at healthy intervals.

Some people will shift from being single to married, from being unemployed to being staff members in companies and governments, some people will shift from married to being single, some will shift from living with a partner to living alone, from being individuals to being parents, from being staff members to being managers, from managers to directors & board members and the list is endless.

I remember some pretty funny moments from when I was making the transition from student to working woman…

First of all, my jeans were pretty much like my second skin. I was always dressed in jeans and takkies, or flat sandals, T-Shirts, no make-up, loose dreads, and very casual bags to go along with as accessories. I had a tough time letting go of all those jeans when I started working. I remember one thing I did…I bought formal shoes & high heels and lots of shirts and jackets and my working look was: shirt, jacket, jeans and high heels, for the first two years. In my mind, I was still a student. I hung out in my old student spots, carried on with the same old behaviors as well. I used to have this big old khaki bag that I used to carry my shoes in. I’d change to heels in the office and then put them in the bag and wear the sneakers to walk around in, and I was still catching taxis. One morning it struck me that there was nothing stopping me from getting a car, in that way, there’d be no need for the khaki bag or any other restricting factors.

Besides, I was starting to look at tad too business-like for the rank, or so I thought. With that decision, came other realizations about other things that I also needed to change in order to align self with the identity of a woman who lives in Bryanston, works in Bryanston-Period. It was at that time that I had also lost a lot of weight and had moved from size 40 to size 32. For a while too, I still behaved, thought, and perceived myself as the fat chick even when my body size had changed. I must say, it took a while for me to realize that I had to re-align my dress code and style to suit my new size and shape as well. Some people never catch on to this and they literally get stuck over there…where they were before they were here-now.

ANOTHER TRUE STORY

I know an amazingly creative guy who has the potential to run his own designer store, he is also a very talented musician, and however, he got into the Rastafarian culture and has somehow never been able to retrieve himself from it. He has in a sense become – generic. I miss the days when I knew him by his name and I could definitely associate the name with an individual, he had his own way of speaking, walking and doing things, he even had an eclectic taste for music.

Now what’s happened to him is that he got so aligned with the whole Rasta movement that he wakes up in the morning, smokes ganja , blasts ragga and reggae through his sound system, speaks in a pseudo Jamaican accent and all he talks about and thinks about these days is Haille Selasie I and I and being Irie.So, even when he had a chat with someone from an up market office park in Bryanston, he was easily scoffed off as the crazy Rasta dude, and yet these people took his ideas, used them and he cannot handle driving past there when he sees his ideas in action.

You see, he totally looks Rosebank meets Yeoville meets Newtown, and sounds like it too. The kind of thing he wanted to do was brilliant but it would not work with HIM as the face of it. The market he’d be dealing with in Bryanston would still like to see a well groomed guy, wearing something that easily resonates with them. Even the creatives will, even when dreadlocked, wear a humorous T-Shirt, with some funky jeans and sneakers that still have commercial appeal and will likely make good use of the IEB or so called Model C accent that people in the Northern Surburbs of Jozi are still acquainted with. This guy is simply way too alien for Bryanston at this stage. This then means, his mind is aligned and not his physical appearance.

Lesson here is that the content, intellectual property and packaging all go hand in hand.

ANSWER UNKNOWN…UNPLANNED POSITIVE CHANGES

Someone close to me gave me a call…

He does not know whether to break his relationship and move on or whether to stick it out, and deal with the consequences. He met his girlfriend, turned baby-mama when they were still Varsity students. The glue that connected them was the parties, alcohol, pot-smoking etc. They were madly in-love. She fell pregnant and he committed to taking care of her and the child, they moved in together. He started out working at night-clubs, and she went off to the call centre world. 8 years ago.

He has since become a Director, Shareholder, Company Owner, and Businessman. He was raised with middle class values and the stage he was at when he met his girlfriend in his Varsity days was just a rebellious phase for him. Now the proprieties he was raised with are coming out. He knows how to don a suit with cufflinks; he flies around the globe, sits in Exco meetings etc. The girlfriend has remained the call centre girl, she still has the same circle of friends, and her issues have since become petty to him. He is frustrated at the fact that she does not quite have the level of finesse and poise that he would like to see his wife/woman/partner possess. He told me how, she embarrassed him at a Gala Event, not only did she not know how to dress, she also did not know how to carry herself and everyone at his level, does NOT have partners like that…talk about getting all the attention for the wrong reasons. They seem to have grown in completely different directions.

To make matters worse, he tried at some stage, to introduce her to his sisters and family members, hoping that she would take some pointers and learn. Nope. She became insecure and so she started isolating him and had a reason why she did not like each one of his colleagues, sisters, friends etc. He noted that in this state of isolation, is when she felt free to be herself and bring her friends over and continue with her lifestyle the way it had been before. Now, he simply feels that things are at that point where if the relationship continues- she will have to shape up or ship out or she will end up dragging him down into a level he’s been at before and has no interest going back to. So it happens that he will probably go and find some sophisticated, well groomed, well educated lady to marry and keep as his wife and she may just remain the unruly Baby-Mama from his wild-days…and some women often wonder how THAT happens.

Ladies reading this Chronicle…yo…listen up!

A nice (_)(_) helps to attract the dude but it may not necessarily have enough sustainability to keep him as your man, because some nice grey matter between the ears lasts way longer than when the (_)(_) expiry date has passed. So…I suggest all those little small talks y’all have about which sister dresses well and which one is fat and which one isn’t…STOP!  If you can have both the grey matter and the nice rear-end @$$ets, then perfect, we congratulate you…now get over it and start working on the real things that matter in life.

I think I’ve actually said enough to make my point ey.

IN SUMMARY

§  Keep your goals in check;

§  Evaluate any psychological blocks that you may have against full attunement to your present reality;

§  Evaluate your behavior, see whether it counters or assists you with what you want to achieve;

§  Check whether or not your current lifestyle, behavior is not outdated as you may have undergone some changes and might still be living in ‘past self mode’ and may not have adjusted accordingly;

§  Research your ‘goal-post’ as we sometimes wish or want to be something that we don’t fully understand, as such, when we get there, we find ourselves lost, and unable to relate when it is meant to be our dream we’re living, not a nightmare;

§  Research the modus operandi and day to day activities of any places or spaces you want to be associated with, you certainly don’t want to come across as alien, suspicious or questionable when you finally get to the desired environments that you’ve so worked hard to get to;

§  Don’t be afraid to make the necessary adjustments once you get to where you wanted to go;

§  Ensure that your resolutions, goals, plan, projections are reasonable, practical and obtainable so that you don’t set yourself up for failure either.

If your dream were to find you in the next two minutes, whatever it is, be it the dream job, dream partner, dream car, dream bank account or salary etc…would you honestly say that you are ready for it?

If not, why not?

(If not, then use the answers as your guideline to work through some issues that may be long overdue in terms of resolution).

*see the exercise I drafted on the next page*

RESOLUTION/GOAL CONTRACT WITH SELF

 

 

Starting today I will……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I aim to accomplish this goal by this date…………………I will take the following steps to ensure that I am aligned with my goal/dream…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Below is a list of thing that I need to let go of……………………………………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

By this date……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Below is a list of new skills/network/things I need to acquire to help me achieve/align to my goal/dream

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

My starting point with these new things will be:……………………………………………………………………………………….

My starting date will be:……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

My goal/dream, which is: ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Is to be accomplished by this date:……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

If not accomplished, re-evaluate on this date, if this is indeed what you still want or need as the universe has ways of not granting us certain things for a reason. Only if you are certain that this is indeed what you still want, proceed. Then you are to repeat this exercise.

Signed:……………………………………………………                                           Date:…………………………………………………..

This is a contract with myself and the only person I will be letting down or deceiving will be myself by not adhering to the above-guideline

Thulisa Qangule – January 2013

My Mirror

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This entry was posted on November 13, 2013 by in Chronicles, Self Improvement Articles and Chronicles.

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