Words, Visions, Dreams, Voices of an African Woman Expressed by Thulisa Qangule

Never Write Anyone Off

Here’s reason to never write anybody off…

I recently spent some time meditating on the notion of never writing anybody off – ever!

The content of this Chronicle may slightly perturb, and maybe even down-right offend some, yet the intention with which this is written is to elevate the level of thinking, maybe even shift it towards a newer paradigm in relation to what we’ve been exposed to. Change takes a bit of a pinch…discomfort…honesty and then we finally start to see the old order crack, to reveal a brand new way.

Recent experiences of mine have served as constant reminders to respect every single soul that crosses my path. Old, young, whatever colour, gender etc. It is harder to put to practice than it is to preach and nowhere was this affirmed as was by …my family.

I am going to share the first story, which is inspired by a family member, and the second, which is inspired by a complete stranger. Please pardon the bits that may seem a bit awkward to deal with- there’s a reason some of the stuff included IS included.


I had lost touch with a cousin of mine, who everyone had assumed to have been okay and ‘doing well’. In the not too distant past, I received news that not all was well. I received news from yet another source who gave me the impression that we had a complete lunatic in our family. Words such as senile, psycho, complete wreck were put to some regular use. No questions asked, and with very few people contacting her directly.

The most disturbing part of this is how her very own mother went around adding to these sentiments. I heard it myself from this young lady’s mother. Remaining neutral under such circumstances is obviously very difficult as well.

I eventually got the chance to spend some time with her. WOW! What an amazing person…She totally made sense to me and this got me thinking that perhaps I’m also just THAT crazy and hence the connection and ability to relate to her. In summary, what it was is as below:

·         She had a father who is different to the rest of the siblings and was subjected to treatment that was not the same as the other kids in the home.

·         She felt throughout all her childhood that the negativity she was subjected to her may be her fault, that somehow she had done something to trigger such behaviors from people.

·         With everyone being so busy and money being the one entity that gets pumped but without the love and affection and attention, she went on a self destructive spree and got involved with the wrong things and people and a part of her was doing this as a huge cry out for help and attention.

·         She had gone through a lot of things ALONE and had stopped considering the rest of the world when making decisions, including those that would not serve her highest and best interests.

·         Through the disappointment of NOT turning out the way her mother had hoped, and this being something that was stressed and mentioned on a regular basis…she slipped into heavy depression and closed up. She was in a sense an emotionally abandoned child with parents living right under the same roof.

Her mother, not wanting to deal with these issues (shoving these issues under the carpet is somehow comfortable for people at the best and worst of times)…took her to a shrink who recommended a whole lot of pills.

I found my cousin pouring the medication down the sink.

She was sick and tired of having a voice and not being heard. She felt that once again, rather than deal with the issues that be, SHE was being dealt with and this time around, pills were the method in use. I understood the sentiment with perfect clarity. This is but another way of writing someone you don’t want to deal with…off. Shut up, take your medication and disappear into slumber! They may as well say that.


She is one of the most well put together young-ladies I can think of. She took the risk and wrecked her relations with family to live with friends. She moved from the big city to a small town in the Eastern Cape and re-connected with the Biological Father and he organized her job. The job was just enough for her to get by. Got an apartment, makes use of public transport, but is very comfortable with herself and is in a well-grounded space in all senses of the word.

What happened here, in summary, was that she was able to identify the negating triggers of the nonsense in her life and simply dealt with it or avoided it. She did not interact with any negative influences until such time that she felt that she had totally healed and recovered from her own woes. You know, you have to be healed yourself before you make any attempt to heal another. THAT! YES!

She has become the voice, the harbinger of change in that small little community of people in the Eastern Cape. Yes! She is the one advising and guiding upcoming young ladies and gentlemen into following the right ‘order’. She carries such authenticity as a person who’s been there and done that, that one cannot help but gravitate towards her. She called me to say: “Thanks Cous…through it all, you were the one person who really ‘got me’- Thank You!”

and here we could have lost her…to pills.

Here’s some ‘push-back’. Someone else in the family went through a very similar thing. The ‘remedy’ was dispensed in the old manner where people end up being condemned for life, for going through hard times. C’mon now…really?

She was also exposed to pressures that I won’t go into, and when things got too much and she succumbed – in a foreign country… she was sent off to a Mental Facility, and returned to the RSA 2 years later – and people wrote her off. She still had a chance…she still




With a little bit of attention, tailor made remedial intervention, affection and a listening ear, she would have really been fine. All it was, was someone who had lost her parents at a young age, without the guidance, lost her way and rather than show her the way back to get on track…the current ways that we have when we speak of rehabilitation, restoration,  healing and reform …served to do the very opposite. I say that we, (in the collective sense) need to take a second look at this.

I say that ‘we’ need to take a second, third, fourth +++ look at this until we start to see some positive CHANGE in our world and this is becoming a global ailment.

When a child does not perform at school, they are labeled as ‘failures’ and remedial action is at nil.

When someone gets blacklisted, things revolve around this fact and regardless of how financially fit they become later on…there’s somehow…always that ‘black-mark’ on their name.

When someone gets involved in the wrong kinds of things, it turns into a record that keeps that person away from awakening their potential.

When someone goes through stresses and pressures, we are too quick to speak of mental illness; we lock people up in these mental wards and hope that they will be silent and that ‘life must go on’.


Here’s some news for everyone…


First let me quote something I read somewhere…

“When an egg is broken by an outside force, life stops. When an egg is broken from the inside life begins” Karen Lange (Reiki Healer- Randburg – RSA)…so take charge of your own ‘break-through’

A man by the name Arthur Boorman…an American Paratrooper in the Gulf War…WHAT AN AMAZING PERSON!…had been written off. For 15 years, until he decided that enough was ENOUGH!

This man had incurred such severe injuries from the War that all sorts of Doctors told him he would NEVER walk unassisted again. Consequently, he had to let go of his job in the military. He says that for 15 years, he believed them. In those 15 years, his weight ballooned to 297 pounds. He was aged: 32 when he got injured. He was 47 years old when he began his journey to self-restoration and has today become quite a world-wide inspirational figure.

He says it took one man to believe in him. One man. One Yoga Instructor. It wasn’t easy. There were tears along the way, desire to give up, there were times when he would seem as though he was on the verge of walking again and something would happen and this can be so disheartening.

His determination and positive conviction that he would walk unassisted kept him going. Ultimately his belief in himself and sense of self confidence helped him- no matter how insane it sounded to those of us who prefer to remain closed up in subscriptions to belief systems that keep us locked up in the notion that everyone outside of “the inner you’ is right.

This man too, was on the brink of being a ‘write-off”. In a country that speaks of obesity as the second biggest threat, next to Global Terrorism…I find it amazing that people such as Mr Boorman have or had nowhere to turn at times when they could do with some serious rehabilitation and counseling and assistance. I find it amazing that the very system somehow …is the same one that condemned him into a rut…for 15 years. I’m sure you get exactly what it is I am saying here.

I see the wheels starting to turn and that possibly, with more people like this coming to the fore, we’ll see a shift in the manner in which we see things, think and even resolve things. Each generation has challenges and I say…this here our Generation is faced with the challenge of self obliteration through maintaining age-old systems and beliefs that may no longer serve our highest good.

Who is it that decides upon what the rules are in any sphere? Education, Health, Entertainment, Sports, etc? Who or what?

I say we need a re-think!

Look at this timeline…

It took 15 years being broken…and one year of fixing himself up to not only WALK UNASSISTED, but to RUN AGAIN.

  As he is today.

I will let the above remain as testimony to what we so often loosely refer to as ‘Human Potential’ and in relation to “Human Development”.

I’m tired of speaking so I’ll let the imagery say it best….below…


How’s it about perhaps a point system that works on rewards, and merits …and applies the same methodology to the negative factors? Wouldn’t that just be great?

In this way you get to balance the score-card based on the merits and vices of a person. Right now, we need some serous balance. When we glorify people, we take the positive attributes and blow them up so extremely that people become Demi-Gods before the public eye. When we take punitive measures, the same applies; we get so vindictive, so deeply that we end up damaging a human being for life. Is there any sense to that?  I don’t think so.

Oh and I know…what I’m talking about here…just about everyone can relate. The difference is this…

People walk around with layers and layers of PR, and these things called Personas. Eventually we become like Onions running around with each other, thinking we know each other when what we are really – really doing is dealing with each other’s personas and not each other.  And the above…becomes the very damaging factor that we all need to work against. We are all human right now, unless some of us landed from Avatar and yonder and forgot to let us know…

I beg and plea…next time you listen to someone…listen.

Listen beyond the words that are rolling out of their mouths or I guess in this instance…keyboard? And try and sense …

Discern the intent or energetic space they’re resonating  from or expressing from…you’ll be amazed what you really start to ‘hear’ with your inner ears and heart when you do things that way. The only way to do that is to get back in touch with that very important thing we all drop at the door when we leave our homes in the mornings…Humane-ness…Ubuntu. I repeat, unless you are not human and are from spaces yonder…ayyyy…silence.

Author: K T Qangule ©                                  


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This entry was posted on November 13, 2013 by in Uncategorized.
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