Words, Visions, Dreams, Voices of an African Woman Expressed by Thulisa Qangule
At birth, we have our umbilical cords chopped off and we go straight into recovery. We don’t ever hold grudges against this moment. Why not?
We go through a series of painful events from teething to landing on our faces as we learn to run.
We go through separation anxiety when we are first sent away to school.
We endure, we persevere, we keep going.
It seems as though there’s intensive wear and tear that goes on because there’s a hell of a lot of adults who seem to lose this very ability to endure, keep going, and move on.
Yet, there’s not a single human being on this planet who hasn’t incurred an injury, in one form or another, and on all levels of existence.
Being that we exist as physical, emotional, spiritual and mental beings, I imagine the injuries I am making reference to do not only take place at physical level.
Along this path, some of us learn to:
•Get onto victim mode to receive affection, attention, nurturing, love.
•Victimise others in order to receive attention.
•Excel and be the brightest shining stars in order to receive affection, attention, love, and nurturing.
•Become the ‘do-gooders’ in the world in order to receive attention.
As some of us know…
If you grew up in an environment where everything and everyone is busy and somewhat aloof and unavailable, you kind of had to make NOISE to be heard.
It is unfortunate that some of us’ yells were only heard when the scream announced a broken arm or some malady or other.
These are the people who later in life, struggle to communicate positively, experience positive emotions, become do-gooders.
There’s an almost innate need in them to be ‘dark’.
How healthy is it to have these individuals in business spaces?
How great a manager does a person like that make?
Would you trust them to manage a team?
Are people with those kinds of personality disorders not perhaps going to victimise team-mates in a bid to win the attention of superiors?
Who is to be held accountable for such individuals?
These traits, that will also often include excessive complaining, putting others down, being excessively critical, carrying an ‘over than necessary’ punitive attitude can make or break jobs, relationships and communities.
I think it is very safe for me to assume that we are ALL accountable for the manner in which we choose to relate to others.
I also know it is safe to say that not all of us have been equipped with the necessary tools to transcend our states of mind, our circumstances, as well as our pasts.
When you enter a room after a fight or argument, who do you become?
Do you run and avoid it?
Do you silently cringe and hope noone makes public mention of it, yet you know its going to be the focal point of discussion when you get home?
Do you become the first person to strike a conversation?
Do you break the tension and crack a joke?
The person you become in THAT situation tells a lot about the nature of your character and energy that you bring into situations.
A secret often practised by those individuals who do not seem breakable by anything, is what Carlfred Broderick coined as a “transitional character.
“A person, who, in a single generation, changes the entire course of a lineage. The changes might be for good or ill, but the most noteworthy examples are those individuals who grow up in an abusive, emotionally destructive environment and who somehow find a way to metabolize the poison and refuse to pass it on to their children. They break the mold. They refute the observation that abused children become abusive parents, that the children of alcoholics become alcoholic adults, that ‘the sins of the fathers are visited upon the heads of children to the third and fourth generation.’ Their contribution to humanity is to filter the destructiveness out of their own lineage so that the generations downstream will have a supportive foundation upon which to build productive lives.”
These transitional characters also tend to struggle somewhat in formal sectors as it often means that they have to, or will go against the gradient in order to transcend the status quo.
The New South Africa is turning 21 in 2015, a young adult, that just went through its teens.
As a people, are we ready to break down some walls? Are we ready for real intergration, or are we still transmitting vibrations just beneath the Transitional Character (in the metaphoric sense)?
Perturbation, discomfort, questioning and both IN and ENquiry will take place. No real change or transformation has ever taken place without these?
Are we ready for much needed Transitional Characters or are we still in the business of vilifying them for the sake of retaining status quos, even where and when those no longer serve of greater good?